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Patchnotes v3.24a - Racism

Has Teorec gone too far? I'll let you decide...

- Added Monster, Critter, and Avian races

- Added racial slurs: "Normie", "Croaker", "Snacc", "Boner", "Toaster", "Furfag", "Peeler", "Booger", "Creeper", "Fleabag", and "Nuggie"

- Made minor adjustments to existing racial commands' flavour text and behaviour

- Nerfed the swear jar, won't get punished for "is picked" anymore

- Added `!unadorn` as an alias for `!dedorn`

- Made some other bullshit changes to the game who CARES oh my GOD dude I fucking love SLIME

- Removed Da Doc

Patchnotes v3.22a


It's that time of year again, folks. What, you've never heard of SWILLDERMUK? Well, allow me to enlighten you.
  • Get the highest prankster's gambit in all of NLACakaNM! Build up Credence and rack up gambit by spending that credence on pranks! (Credence builds up automatically while in non-base districts).
  • Scavenge prank items which can be found in the city and used on other players (or districts) with "!use prankitem".
    • Instant Use prank items: Can be instantly used on another player to spend credence.
    • Response items: Slowly builds up in gambit damage, must be avoided by typing in a command specific to that prank item.
    • Trap items: Used in districts, rather than on players, with just "!use prankitem", any player that enters that district later on has a chance to trigger the trap.
    • Some prank items are rarer than others, and some are more effective. Try 'em out! You never know what kind of narrative hi-jinks might ensue!
  • When pranking, both players have their credence values combined to award positive and negative gambit to the pranker and pranked victim, respectively.
  • This newly gained gambit will also prevent credence from building up for a short time.
  • Use the highly effective !pointandlaugh command to humiliate your foes even further!

Other Bullshit

  • Added in Master Poudrins, to contain otherworldly amounts of slime for preservation.
  • The spirit of SWILLDERMUK has charmed ENDLESS WAR. He will no longer flag you for scavenging for the time being, and Defective Coconut Cream Pies will also now spawn around the map as well, as a source of sustenance.
  • The max possible respawn time has been cut down to 10 minutes. Enjoy it while it lasts, shamblers!

Cathedral Tribune - March 2020

Patchnotes v3.22a

Scavenging Update

  • Captchas of length between 3 and 10 are actual words now.
  • Players are now given a captcha when !scavenging without looking for an item.
  • Scavenging no longer scales with time between commands, but with consecutive correct captchas. Inputting a wrong code resets the scavenging combo.
  • Scavenging yields slightly increased.
  • You can no longer scavenge on the slime sea.




Patchnotes v3.26i2

Quality of Life Improvements

  • Lowered the chance for enemy spawning every tick to 25% (down from 33%).
  • Added in !lookbetweenthecushions as an alias for !scavenge.
  • Added in togo ordering and player ordering back in for food items. Togo ordering will raise the price by 50%.
  • Added in !brainz, as an alternative form of !awoo exclusive to shamblers.
  • PvP flags on many actions have been quadrupled in length for gangsters. These include flags for scavenging, mining, pissing on someone else, spam knocking, cliff pushing, attacking, killing, capturing, sparring, enlisting, and fishing.
  • Lowered the value 'retard' has in swear jar detection.
  • Ghost can no longer squeeze souls.
  • !teleport will now specify if its timer is not yet ready, even without listing a location in the command.


Are you a new player, hopelessly confused about the lore around you? Interested in the grand epics and legends, the mythos of NLACakaNM? You have come to the right place. In this video, our beloved, intermittently neglectful kingpins and numerous pillars of the community expound upon its history.

Weighing in around 180 minutes, you might want to get some popcorn or a chicken bucket. See you on the other slide, slimebois.

~ Krak

Patchnotes v3.25i2 - SPORTS


  • Added Shambleball, a team based ball game playable by shamblers.
  • Start a game using !shambleball purple/pink to join a respective team.
  • Check the status of the game using !shambleball.
  • Move using !shamblego x-coordinate y-coordinate, kick the ball by running into it.
  • Stop moving using !shamblestop.
  • Leave the game using !shambleleave.

Patchnotes v3.24i2k4p - K1P patch


  • Added Monster Bones, Soup and Bloodstones.
  • Number buffs for shotguns, knives, rifles, dual pistols, broadsword, grenades and molotovs.
  • Small nerfs to Nunchucks and SMG (captcha increase).
  • Fixed Dualies flavor text.

Patchnotes v3.24i2


  • PvE enemies can be affected by status effects now, as well as inflict them themselves.
  • The dragon claw causes AoE burning now.
  • Backfire chance is affected by miss chance modifiers now.
  • Fixed fishing on the ferry.
  • Shamblers can be haunted by Ghosts now.

Patchnotes v3.23i2 - Intermission 2 aka Dark Souls 3

Injuries & Trauma

  • Every attack will now cause an Injury to one of four hitzones: torso, head, arms, legs.
  • Injuries cause future attacks against their hitzone to deal increased damage, as well as secondary effects depending on the hitzone.
  • Injuries persist until death.
  • Injuries get worse the more you get hit.
  • After !revive-ing players will experience Trauma, based on the way they died. The effects of Trauma get worse, the more degradation the player has.


  • Standing in the rain unprotected no longer reduces your slime count, but it increases your degradation level.
  • Dying increases your degradation level.
  • Killing high level players decreases your degradation level.
  • Players need to wait for a time equal to their degradation level in seconds before they can !revive after dying.
  • When a player's degradation level gets too high, they become a Shambler upon their next !revive.


  • Shamblers !revive with 500k slime in the location where they last died.
  • Shamblers generate slime up to a limit of 1 mega, when they are exposed to the bicarbonate rain.
  • Shamblers cannot interact with most sub-zones.
  • Shamblers cannot !enlist.
  • Shamblers are always pvp-flagged.
  • Shamblers can attack pvp-flagged players.
  • Shamblers do not experience hunger, mutations or trauma.
  • Shamblers can !shamble to degrade districts and sub-zones and increase their own degradation.
  • Fully degraded districts can no longer be captured. Fully degraded sub-zones can no longer be used.
  • Shamblers can never become Juveniles again.