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The Slime Times - Issue #1

July 27, 2018 - LOL!

The first SlimeCoin CRASH, worse than anybody would have imagined. The first Slimefest. And, for a brief moment, Ben had more slime than Munchy.

Download here.

Patchnotes v3.22a

Dark Souls 2

  • Added craftable knight armor.
  • You can actually smelt the dragon claw now, we promise.

Battle Blimp

  • Light as a feather now breaks your fall when jumping from the blimp.

Patchnotes v3.22

Dark Souls

  • Added Dodge rolls.
  • Added Iframes.
  • Added parrying and reposting.
  • Added boss souls.
  • Added smelting weapons from boss souls.
  • Added smelting new crafting materials.
    • Iron Ingots (Made from melting down tin cans with faggots)
    • Leather (Made from tanning old boots with a tanning knife made from iron ingots)
  • Added TRUE RANDOM.
  • Removed Herobrine.


  • Added hues to furniture.
  • Added special hue furniture. Its description changes when the hue changes.
  • Added custom furniture. Any text added wen !buy-ing will be incorporated into the furniture's description.
  • Added a heap of miscellaneous furniture and 6 sets, including several craftable corpses.
  • Added an alarm clock, which DMs you on the RFCK time you set it to using !setalarm.
  • Added televisions, which you can !watch when placed in your apartments. !snag your TV our of your apartment for a while to stop watching.
  • The Mane 6 are all available as figurines.
  • Added bricks, which you can !toss @user to throw through a person's window.


  • Added housekeys. Buying one with !addkey multiplies your rent by 1.5 and charges you base rent. Give it to other players to give them permanent access to your house.
  • You can !changelocks at the cost of half base rent to break these keys and revert your rent to before you had them.
  • Homeowners can now !bootall visitors, unless a visitor has a housekey.
  • !snagging is only allowed for the homeowner and visitors with the proper housekey.


  • You can now bet your soul directly in russian roulette, craps, baccarat, and roulette at the usual rate of half a billion SlimeCoin.
  • Fixed some bugs related to propstanding and !swearjar.
  • Buffed !pray (now reduces swear jar by 3, up from 1).
  • The exchange rate for Slime to SlimeCoin has been raised to 1:1 (up from 100:1).
  • The swear jar will no longer fine you if you aren't profane enough for ENDLESS WAR to scold you.
  • Quantum legs now requires you to wait 30 seconds without entering a message before teleportation goes through.
  • After the 30 seconds have passed, a warning message will be sent to the destination channel, and you will need to wait an additional 5 seconds before the teleportation is completed.
  • Fixed ghosts being able to bet slime at some casino games.
  • Fixed a fishing exploit where casting reeling multiple times would cause the player to be fishing multiple times at once.
  • Changed weapon skill gain to require the shootee to also be a higher slime level than the shooter's weapon skill.

Patchnotes v3.21dds

Minecraft bow

  • Minecraft bow


  • Added in Duels
  • To initiate a duel, you must use !duel on another player. If they !accept, this will flag both of you for 3 minutes after a 10 second cooldown.
  • If either player sends a message to the server during the countdown, they will be struck by the Bone Hurting Beam, and the duel will end immediately.
  • You can not !move, !embark, !teleport or !retire during a duel. (This also applies to Russian Roulette)


  • Added in 20 new dance moves.
  • Added in the Swear Jar. Swearing within the server or in ENDLESS WAR's DMs will deduct 1 billion slimecoin from you and will increase your Swear Jar by 1.
  • To lower your Swear Jar, you must !pray.
  • !curbstomp is now an alias for !kill.
  • !harvest is no longer a command.

Minor Site Layout Updates

I adjusted the layout of the site so that it hopefully works a little better on mobile. Sorry about the map; it will always be too awkwardly wide to use.

~ Krak

Patchnotes v3.20noslimernalia


  • Killed slimernalia.
  • Slashed capping costs by a factor of 10.
  • !harvest is no longer a command.

Patchnotes v3.20yoslimernalia


  • Completely overhauled slimeoid combat. Slimeoids now use their own sap system.
    • Slimeoids have a sap pool equal to their level * 2.
    • Slimeoids invest sap in actions. The more sap they invest, the more likely they are to succeed.
  • Added slimeoid candies sold at Glocksbury Comics and Slimy Persuits, which allow players to change their slimeoids' stats.

Patchnotes v3.19b-yoslimernalia


  • Users that don't allow DMs can no longer check their !inventory.
  • Sandbags show the correct slime spent and don't trigger PvP anymore.
  • !frame works again.
  • Added the Nuclear Beach next to Assault Flats Beach. Only prehistoric enemies spawn there.
  • Increased movement time between outskirts and between outskirts and the city.
  • Added !trash to destroy food items from anywhere.

Patchnotes v3.19a-yoslimernalia


  • Zines can now be written entirely in DMs.
  • !reading will only work in DMs.
  • You can !shelve [zine] and !unshelve [zine] in your apartment's bookshelf.
  • You can !setpages [5-20] for your manuscript.
  • You can !takedown [Zine ID] if you no longer want your own zine to be in circulation. Use !untakedown [Zine ID] to reverse this. Admins can !copyrightstrike [Zine ID] any zine if it's plagiarized.

Patchnotes v3.19yoslimernalia


  • Start a manuscript by using !beginmanuscript at the Cafe, either University or the Comics shop.
  • !publish your manuscript into a purchasable zine.
  • !browse for zines at the Cafe, Universites or Comics shop.
  • Once you've found a zine that interests you, use !orderzine to buy it for 10k slime.
  • After absorbing the zine's content, it is your moral obligation to !review it with a score from 1 to 5 fucks.


  • Increased festivity from Sigillaria to 1k each (up from 100 each).
  • Added more types of wrapping paper, as well as the wrapping paper hat.
  • Increased the cost of wrapping paper to 1k each (up from 500 each).


  • Juvies can now !dance.
  • Added in juice boxes.
  • Made slight adjustemnt to !negaslime, added !negapool for clarity.