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Patchnotes v3.1 aka K3P plus some other stuff too


  • Show your displeasure with the state of this free game using the new !hurl command.
  • Weeaboos rejoice! The katana and nunchucks both got a slight buff.
  • The razornuts got a significant buff and a sharp price increase.
  • A bunch of aliases got moved around.

Other stuff, but who cares

  • Fixed some bugs in the pathing system.
  • Recapture speed now increases with the numer of friendly neighbor districts, rather than decreasing.
  • Recapturing a district is no longer broadcast to the enemy gang base.
  • New !progress command shows you the current capture progress in your district.
  • Added !sny.

Patchnotes v3.0a

Stock Tweaks

  • !donate no longer triggers your slimebroker cooldown.
  • The SlimeCorp Stock Exchange now opens at 6 AM and closes at 8 PM.
  • Dead players can no longer trade at the SlimeCorp Stock Exchange.
  • You cannot check the value of your stocks outside the SlimeCorp Stock Exchange anymore.

Patchnotes v3.0 - SEASON 3, BABYYYYY!

Farming Buff

  • You are able to !reap your crops after 3 hours instead of 6.
  • Your crops yield 160000 slime instead of 120000.
  • You have a 1 in 3 chance to get a poudrin upon each successful !reap, with another 1 in 3 chance to get a second one.
  • You get 3 edible vegetables upon each !reap.

Public Transit System

  • The ferry actually moves between ports and you can only get on/off at the port it's currently at.
  • Added a subway system. There are 4 lines with 2 trains running on each of them at all times:
    • The Red line between Toxington and Cratersville
    • The Yellow line between Arsonbrook and South Sleezeborough
    • The Green line between Smogsburg and West Glocksbury
    • The Blue line between Assault Flats Beach and Downtown
  • Added a blimp line that connects Dreadford and Assault Flats Beach.
  • All public transit lines use the new !embark/!disembark commands for getting on and off.
  • Check where you can travel from your current station with the !schedule command.
  • PvP is enabled across the entire public transit system.

Stocks Rework

  • Stocks are back!
  • !invest in SlimeCorp's newest acquisitions KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.

Weapon Items

  • Weapons are items now.
  • !arm yourself at the Dojo and !equip weapons on the fly.

Patchnotes v2.21a (by MagicksRampage)

Territory Control Rework

  • Decay time is now proportional to capture time.
  • Capture speed increases with current capture progress.
  • Capture speed decreases with number of unfriendly adjacent districts.
  • Districts that are fully surrounded by friendly districts cannot be captured and don't decay.
  • Kingpin slime generated by districts increases for each friendly adjacent district.


  • Posting in the server no longer prevents you from being kicked out of subzones.
  • You can't act for 10 seconds after returning from offline mode.

Patchnotes v2.21 (back through v2.19)

Wow wow wow. We've got player profile pages now, with all kinds of statistics and your avatar. Just !data yourself or any other player to get a link to their profile. Profiles are also linked from the stats page. Expect these to get augmented in the future!

Munchy came through with an overhaul on food pricing. Everything is different now! I don't even know what food costs anymore.

A new casino game Slime Skat was added by Magicks. This is the first foray into multiplayer casino games (excluding of course Russian Roulette).

Weapon marriage is now legal and encouraged in NLACakaNM. Go to the dojo to !marry your weapon, assuming you have at least mastery level 8.

Scavenging has finally arrived! When players are killed, part of their slime splatters out into the district they died in. It can be reclaimed by any nearby player by repeatedly !scavenge-ing.


  • Corrected a pathing bug that would allow players to cross through unfriendly territory.
  • Both players now gain weaponskill while sparring.
  • Killing teammates no longer awards slime to your kingpin.
  • !bonk has been added, as a more friendly alternative to !kill.
  • It's no longer possible to travel directly from Old New Yonkers to the Assault Flats Beach Resort.

Patchnotes v2.18 - District Control Movement Bonuses

Control of districts now affects movement speed for all players who are enlisted (or have ever been enlisted)! Specifically:

  • Friendly districts save you five seconds.
  • Hostile districts cost you five seconds.
  • The district you're starting from and the district you're ending at don't count.


  • Ghosts and Juveniles can no longer enter Cop Killtown or the Rowdy Roughhouse if they have ever been enlisted in the opposite faction.
  • The cooldown for !spar is now five minutes (down from ten minutes).

Patchnotes v2.17 - Slimeoid Clout

Slimeoid battling now features a (currently) meaningless rating system!! The more your slimeoid wins, the greater their title will be. Losing costs clout. Right now, your slimeoid has zero clout whatsoever. Get to the arena and fix that!

  • Killing Juveniles now appropriately awards their SlimeCoin bounty.
  • !examine is now an acceptable alternative to !inspect.
  • The MOST WANTED leaderboard is now SlimeCoin bounties instead of equivalent slime value. (100x smaller values.)
  • Ghost shoes have improved traction, allowing them to !stop when going to or from the sewers. (They could already stop when moving directly between districts like the living.)

Patchnotes v2.16 - Slimeoid Fixes and the Return of the Help

Ok, ok, so the help page is just a copy-paste job from the #Orientation channel, but I swear, I'm going to document the commands and gameplay for real at some point. Jeez, maybe one of you helpful players could put it together?

  • !help is back, giving players a quick link to the guide.
  • Slimeoid battle fixes of various and unspecified nature.
  • Slimeoids now need to rest for fifteen minutes after losing a battle.

Patchnotes v2.15 - GET OUTTA HERE BUMS

Loitering players are no longer welcome in the subzone districts of NLACakaNM. If you are idle for 3 hours in a subzone you will now be kicked out into the cold. Additionally:

  • Players need at least 10k slime to catpure a district.
  • Districts take longer to capture:
    • Rank S: 120 minutes
    • Rank A: 60 minutes
    • Rank B: 30 minutes
    • Rank C: 15 minutes
  • Progress notifications for capturing now occur every 5% (up in frequency from 10%).
  • It now takes two in-game days for capture to decay, up from one.
  • Slime kingpins receive for captured territories has been doubled.
  • You can now only give items to players in the same district as you.
  • You can now !anoint instead of !annoint if you want to.
  • A Slimeoid Battle bug on turn order has been corrected.
  • Travel time now shows minutes and seconds when the travel time is greater than one minute. (Previously only the floored minute time was shown.)
  • Eating coleslaw-to-go now provides the Ghostbusting power of fresh coleslaw.
  • ENDLESS WAR no longer cares if you delete your messages.


HOLD ON - We got one more:

  • Players may now !halt or !stop to cancel their in-progress move.

Patchnotes v2.14 (retro through v2.08) - MegaCatchup Edition

You think it's easy assembling all the patchnotes for a game this big? No way! Nobody wants to do it. But I'm doing it. Just for you, dear reader.

P.S.: The guide page has been updated with the orientation text.


  • Slime poudrins now appropriately transfer to the killer when a player is killed.
  • Territory control points decay once per tick, meaning that an unoccupied territory will remain captured for six hours (up from 3 hours).
  • Munchy and Ben icons appear next to their names on the leaderboard.
  • The leaderboard now actually renders correctly.


  • New aliases for districts were added by K1P, including ns for North Sleezeborough, ss for South Sleezeborough, glock for Glocksbury, ton for Wreckington, af and bf for Assault Flats Beach Resort, ttn and tx for Toxington, sons and kws for The King's Wife's Son Speakeasy, cm for Cratersville Mines, toxm for Toxington Mines, smc, wf, and rf for The Smoker's Cough, and mob for Red Mobster Seafood.
  • If you are unable to receive DMs from ENDLESS-WAR, your inventory will print publicly when running the !inventory command.
  • Bug fixes for Slimeoid battles.
  • New cosmetic items, including fursuits and karategis.
  • Offline (or "Invisible" status) players can not participate in capturing districts.


  • Mismining has been removed from the game. You will no longer die from mining while exhausted.
  • Districts can now be captured by either faction, by standing in that district unopposed by the opposite faction. Captured districts generate slime for your kingpin.
  • Cosmetic items may be smelted from poudrins, and can be adorned to affect your appearance. These items are lost on death, and adorned cosmetics are stolen by your killer.


  • Slimeoid battling!! Pit your slimeoid against other players' for fun and profit.


  • Howl has been fixed.
  • Travel into subzones now takes 30 seconds, up from 5.
  • Introduction of Slimeoids.
  • Attempting to transfer SlimeCoin to yourself is illegal and will likely result in your death.
  • It's now possible to !give items to other players, as long as they aren't soulbound.


  • Use the !salute command to wave the flag of NLACakaNM.
  • !annoint has been renamed to !anoint (the correct spelling).
  • Farming has been introduced, allowing Juveniles to sow their poudrins, later to reap the slime.
  • It is once again possible to visit the NLACakaNM Cinemas. They were briefly obscured by the Red Mobster.
  • Slime Baccarat has been added to the casino.
  • Use the !unsalute command to burn the flag of NLACakaNM.
  • !anoint has been renamed to !annoint (the correct spelling).
  • The description of the Mines has been corrected.
  • Fixed an issue with pathing that was causing some areas to be unreachable.