It is currently 3 PM in NLACakaNM. !suggest Market Graphs News Guide Map Leaderboards


If you haven't read Ben's SLIME & PUNISHMENT comic, you can catch up on his site. Once you do, watch this incredible animated finale to the bicarbonate of soda rain saga. I've been waiting for this for what feels like years. Do you even remember a time before the rain??

v3.33 Mega Patchnotes Catchup

Ghosts, Cosmetics, Capping, Streets, New Crops, and more!

No but for real, we have a LOT of shit to go over. I'll try to be as concise as I can, it's been a while since we last had a proper breakdown of things.


Absolute legend Kibun has concocted the ultimate new meme: NLACakaNM citizen IDs. This stroke of pure genius gives everyone a chance to show off their characters and add a little personality. If you're wondering whether you should make an ID and post it in #community-service, the answer is YES and the templates are HERE:

If you don't post your ID, honestly, do you even live in this town?




Monsoon's Endless War EP 1

I'm always impressed with the ability of this community not just to put out great individual songs, but sometimes even entire albums. Here's a four-track EP from Monsoon. Great sweeping synth sounds feature heavily in "Flushed Hearts," my favorite song. In his own words:

An automaton found himself in a strange yet intriguing place, and found time amidst the mining and violence to craft this!

This is an old one, posted a couple of months ago, but there's no hard and fast expiration date for the community content I will post. If you have something cool you want to share, get in touch with me on Discord and let me know what you'd like to share and what you want the post to say.

~ Krak


Wow, that last news post sure was cringe. Racism? Like it's a joke? Embarrassing. @OOF. I don't think I need to explain to anypony here why normalizing oppressive language is not only itself harmful, but can lead from irony to sincere hatred. Be careful what you welcome into your community! (Also, DIE ROWDY BUSTERS.)

You know what's not cringe? The latest sweet mouse track, a sing-over parody of Weird Al's "Hardware Store," submitted for the #vendors-contest. Is it unethical to so loudly promote a contest entry before the contest is judged? Probably!! Nobody reads the news anyway. Give it a listen over on soundcloud!

Patchnotes v3.24a - Racism

Has Teorec gone too far? I'll let you decide...

- Added Monster, Critter, and Avian races

- Added racial slurs: "Normie", "Croaker", "Snacc", "Boner", "Toaster", "Furfag", "Peeler", "Booger", "Creeper", "Fleabag", and "Nuggie"

- Made minor adjustments to existing racial commands' flavour text and behaviour

- Nerfed the swear jar, won't get punished for "is picked" anymore

- Added `!unadorn` as an alias for `!dedorn`

- Made some other bullshit changes to the game who CARES oh my GOD dude I fucking love SLIME

- Removed Da Doc

Patchnotes v3.22a


It's that time of year again, folks. What, you've never heard of SWILLDERMUK? Well, allow me to enlighten you.
  • Get the highest prankster's gambit in all of NLACakaNM! Build up Credence and rack up gambit by spending that credence on pranks! (Credence builds up automatically while in non-base districts).
  • Scavenge prank items which can be found in the city and used on other players (or districts) with "!use prankitem".
    • Instant Use prank items: Can be instantly used on another player to spend credence.
    • Response items: Slowly builds up in gambit damage, must be avoided by typing in a command specific to that prank item.
    • Trap items: Used in districts, rather than on players, with just "!use prankitem", any player that enters that district later on has a chance to trigger the trap.
    • Some prank items are rarer than others, and some are more effective. Try 'em out! You never know what kind of narrative hi-jinks might ensue!
  • When pranking, both players have their credence values combined to award positive and negative gambit to the pranker and pranked victim, respectively.
  • This newly gained gambit will also prevent credence from building up for a short time.
  • Use the highly effective !pointandlaugh command to humiliate your foes even further!

Other Bullshit

  • Added in Master Poudrins, to contain otherworldly amounts of slime for preservation.
  • The spirit of SWILLDERMUK has charmed ENDLESS WAR. He will no longer flag you for scavenging for the time being, and Defective Coconut Cream Pies will also now spawn around the map as well, as a source of sustenance.
  • The max possible respawn time has been cut down to 10 minutes. Enjoy it while it lasts, shamblers!

Cathedral Tribune - March 2020

Patchnotes v3.22a

Scavenging Update

  • Captchas of length between 3 and 10 are actual words now.
  • Players are now given a captcha when !scavenging without looking for an item.
  • Scavenging no longer scales with time between commands, but with consecutive correct captchas. Inputting a wrong code resets the scavenging combo.
  • Scavenging yields slightly increased.
  • You can no longer scavenge on the slime sea.




Patchnotes v3.26i2

Quality of Life Improvements

  • Lowered the chance for enemy spawning every tick to 25% (down from 33%).
  • Added in !lookbetweenthecushions as an alias for !scavenge.
  • Added in togo ordering and player ordering back in for food items. Togo ordering will raise the price by 50%.
  • Added in !brainz, as an alternative form of !awoo exclusive to shamblers.
  • PvP flags on many actions have been quadrupled in length for gangsters. These include flags for scavenging, mining, pissing on someone else, spam knocking, cliff pushing, attacking, killing, capturing, sparring, enlisting, and fishing.
  • Lowered the value 'retard' has in swear jar detection.
  • Ghost can no longer squeeze souls.
  • !teleport will now specify if its timer is not yet ready, even without listing a location in the command.